- User rebeccama - Date 2008-01-22 20:33 (UTC) - Subject (no subject) - Keyword bj_relationship

Because honestly, every day- I am acutely aware every time I come home and no one greets me naked at the door with a cocktail, the dishes aren’t done, the floor not vacuumed, house not dusted, kitchen not mopped, bed not made, shower not scrubbed, dirty clothes still dirty, towels not folded, mail still in mailbox, bills in need of payment, checkbook unbalanced, trash in need of taking out, house cluttered, I’m out of coffee, creamer, sugar, ( those are the worst days for me) the grass growing, fence in need of weed-eating, yard in need of landscaping, plants needing water, refrigerator empty, litter box in need of emptying, or I'm out of catfood...

I would just like to note that having a partner doesn't guarantee that you won't be the one getting stuck doing any of this stuff. I have yet to find the wonderful partner who does all the housework. *drat*

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-22 22:25 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

Not all but they do some things, right?

... I mean, sometimes the sheer amount of effort it takes to live independently and owning a house gets to be overwhelming!

- User xie_xie_xie - Date 2008-01-22 23:11 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

Hmmm. But more money would fix those things, with a lot fewer problems than a spouse, LOL!

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-23 00:09 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

YES! Then I could have a housekeeper, yard person, and... um, giga-person depending on my mood :p LMAO!! Don't get rawled up... I fall in love with the person, not the body parts. I could probably never hire a call girl being that they all seem so so so femme- the type of girl I'm least attracted to. As a matter of fact, I usually only am attracted to lesbians and possibly never have been attracted to a straight girl. I think that speaks volumes about my attraction to that edgy self posessed and power quality of lesbians. Well, that am usually attracted to slightly less feminine than me, definitely not more than me. I find androgynous women very appealing :)))))))

And about your other posts, I too am very independent and have spent far more time out of relationships than in them. And have never 'searched' or been seeking, so much so that I think it's the reason I've been single so much... I think I have some trust issues. I hate strangers! Not that I don't meet people, but I don't want to date someone that I don't know or at least that my friends haven't kind of 'pre-screened.'

I spent more than 15 years going out at least twice a week and I always stay with my friends. I'd talk to them, stand or sit with them, dance with them, and leave with them. Am weird that way... and yes, have usually ended up falling in love with friends or people who were in the same running circle. But I just don't like to hang out with people I don't know.

I suppose I'm as 'okay' with myself as I'm going to get, though have been moreso at times than now. Yet, I always feel a sense of 'not QUITE good enough.' AHHHH! I hate when I confess online!!!! B

But I'm 42. I never ever was desperate to get married, again, the opposite if anything. It's just been in the last few years... okay, around the time I turned 40 that I really became bored. Just bored with the same-o same-o of being single. And then it could also have to do with the fact that I never wanted kids, but it freaked me out when 39, 40, 41, now 42 that I sort of forgot to have kids :p There's something about no longer really having the option. And I know, adoption. But I was adopted and always just assumed I'd have a biological child- especially since a child would be my only biological connection on this earth.

*shrugs* I've heard it said that by choosing not to choose, you've actually made a choice. And it never seemed more true than now when it comes to kids. I think I'm the only person I know that would actually prefer to date someone with kids... I think I'd be a pretty good stepmom and definitely I would rock as a grandma!!!!!!!!!

And dammit, I miss having sex (with others :p)

- User firehead30 - Date 2008-01-22 23:49 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

But darling, everything gets to be overwhelming. I understand the need for security and for love. But you can truly find security and love through great friendships and building your life the way you want it.

I was married for eight years. I have been single for well over 10. You learn to make choices based on what you want rather than what you feel you should want. I have been so overwhelmed and scared and completely heartbroken that I was very tempted to marry someone simply out of the need for security, but then it would have been wrong.

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-23 00:30 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

I'm 42. If I was going to marry someone out of being scared or overwhelmed I would have done so by now. Truly, I've just done the single thing so long. My longest dating relationship was just over a year. Though we were friends beforehand.

I've had so many roommates I've sworn I will never ever live with someone again unless I'm having sex with them because truly I've had some bad roommates. And I'm sure some would call me bad, am not feeling better than everyone, it's merely I get along better with some than others and yeah, some of my friendships have suffered once we lived together.

Truly, it's not that I can't do it. Clearly I have. But I'm bored with being single. I've never been married so I can't look back and say this single thing is much better, ya know?

But I suppose now that I've confessed all of this crap everyone's going to tell me I need to start going out in public where the other single people are... ugh! I hate that!!!!!! LOL.

You know, this actually probably has more to do with the fact that I have no friends where I live now. There was so much love between my friends in Atlanta... I really need to move back. And if I needed a hug or to snuggle, I could always do it with any of my friends. And see- I think it's that I'm completely devoid of affection now, it warmed my heart that you called me darling :) And I mean, truly warms my heart to hear it. I've always loved when my friends said things like that to me :) I'm really kind of a sappy person I guess! Maybe we've found the real issue... I don't need to get married, I just need friends !!!!!!!!

- User firehead30 - Date 2008-01-23 00:34 (UTC) - Subject (no subject) - Keyword Embrace

You know, this actually probably has more to do with the fact that I have no friends where I live now. There was so much love between my friends in Atlanta... I really need to move back. And if I needed a hug or to snuggle, I could always do it with any of my friends. And see- I think it's that I'm completely devoid of affection now, it warmed my heart that you called me darling :) And I mean, truly warms my heart to hear it. I've always loved when my friends said things like that to me :) I'm really kind of a sappy person I guess! Maybe we've found the real issue... I don't need to get married, I just need friends !!!!!!!!

*hugs you like mad*

*sneaks in a little kiss*

This I will say, we need friends. We need love. We need affection. We are built to thrive with touch and love; the human body needs connection on one level or anotether.

*hugs you again*

Darling, Darling, Darling, Darling, Darling and my sweet one.

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-23 00:53 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

*coo*ing

Thank you!!! Hugs you right back. It's true, we need love and affection. I've always been extremely affectionate and I go literally weeks now without touching another human :( I never ever thought I'd get to a place like this in my life... I always had sooo many friends! Ummm, perhaps I need to do a better job of staying in touch with the ones I had ??? *smacks self in head*


***** p.s. Anyone else getting proxy errors and strange error msgs on site?

- User firehead30 - Date 2008-01-23 00:56 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

Yes, I am getting lots of proxy errors. It is due to the unfortunate death of Heath Ledger. All of the blogging errors are experiencing huge traffic loads. After Elton is down. Lj is down all kinds of sites are down due to heavy traffic.

- User rebeccama - Date 2008-01-23 00:50 (UTC) - Subject (no subject) - Keyword bj_babylon

Partners do (they better!) help with chores, but they also make messes and come home in a bad mood or you come home in a bad mood and they have someone over or.... Having a partner just to have a partner or for the chore help is probably more trouble than it is worth.

I've been happy being single and happy in a relationship. Having a good friends has proven to be more important to my overall happiness. I've also been unhappy in a relationship that was no longer working. It really, really helps to be happy with who you are and not try to be who you think you should be. (I know that advice is easier to give than to live.)

I'm somewhere between Xie and Firehead (and I would comment directly, but I keep getting error messages). A part of me can understand wanting the security, but at the same time I really think that relationships work best when the two people want to be together rather than because one or both simply want to be in a relationship.

- User xie_xie_xie - Date 2008-01-22 21:21 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

I don't want to get into a whole long list of the glories of singledom because I'm involved with someone right now and I'm really happy about that.

But in general, I'm not much for coupling up, living with someone, sharing intimate daily life with someone. I'm always very happy when I'm single, and my default state is an independent one. When I do get involved with someone, it's typically a huge surprise to me, and generally sneaks up on me when I'm not expecting it -- and DEFINITELY I'm never looking for it or missing it or thinking about it. It just happens.

I think the best thing for everyone is to make complete peace with themselves, to be HAPPY, as an independent, uncoupled, unfamilied person, and then make alliances with people out of active desire rather than because they feel incomplete.

vamphile tells me I'm wrong, however, and that most people aren't like that, and don't want to be, and don't need to be.

But it seems to me that I'm much happier being this way -- I don't mean single, I mean truly, deeply, genuinely fine whether I'm single or not -- and that other people could be too, if they let go of our society's fantasy of coupledom and familydom.

I honestly don't know.

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-22 22:18 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

Wait...what? You started dating since your post about needing to date someone in fandom????

Spill it :p
that is, *cough* if you want to :)

Okay, now need to read the rest of your response and then go to class...

later ladies :)

- User xie_xie_xie - Date 2008-01-22 22:23 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

LOL, I was dating someone in the fandom then. I've been involved with firehead30 since last spring.

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-22 22:31 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

:O OMG!! That is so great!!! I had no idea :p I'm honestly *squee*ing right now. I'm such a nerd hopeless romantic. I'm a huge fan of other people's relationships!

- User firehead30 - Date 2008-01-22 23:39 (UTC) - Subject (no subject) - Keyword Hot fire shoes

Ok, for once I am going to agree with you completely. Quit looking so shocked and take a breath:-)

My happiness does not depend on whether or not I am in a realationship.

I think the best thing for everyone is to make complete peace with themselves, to be HAPPY, as an independent, uncoupled, unfamilied person, and then make alliances with people out of active desire rather than because they feel incomplete

I think it is best to be happy with yourself, find peace with your family and if that can't be done, be at peace with your decisions. Then make good friends, create traditions and patterns for yourself. Be joyful in your life.

I don't mean single, I mean truly, deeply, genuinely fine whether I'm single or not -- and that other people could be too, if they let go of our society's fantasy of coupledom and familydom.

I love my city, my friends, my crazy traditions and my fucked up family. I don't have to feel less than or like a fifth wheel because I don't fit into a specfic type of couple.

Sure there are times when I am sad, or angry or frustrated, everyone whether they are in a couple or not feels that way from time to time. I am at peace with me now my maple cream cookie ass is another factor.

- User xie_xie_xie - Date 2008-01-22 23:40 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

Please not to say bad things about your ass.

- User rebeccama - Date 2008-01-23 01:01 (UTC) - Subject (no subject) - Keyword ben_michael_love

I love your attitude towards life. The fucked up family bit made me smile as did the friends bit because friends are wonderful. *nods*

- User _alicesprings - Date 2008-01-22 22:34 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

I'm single. I think it's great. I come home to my mess and my dishes and and my weeds and so what? There's no-one to tell me to clean it up. I do it in my own time.

I love living alone. Think of the positives instead of the negatives. And as for sex, ummm I rather enjoy having sex with myself :D

- User passing_through - Date 2008-01-22 23:13 (UTC) - Subject (no subject) - Keyword justin_cracks_up

ROTFLMAO

And as for sex, ummm I rather enjoy having sex with myself :D

*loves you for your honesty*

I had a dream the other night that a saleswoman was giving demos for a remote controlled vibrator and my, did it feel good...at least until I woke up :(

I've been single, married w/h no kids (to what was the love of my life), now married (but not in love) w/h kids and at this point in my life I deep-in-my-heart wish, at times, that I had my own place and that I was anwserable to myself only. But I'm not so I make do with what I have and continue to work on the part I want to change :)

- User _alicesprings - Date 2008-01-22 23:24 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

*loves you for your honesty*

Well, as a single, I'm sure no-one would believe me if I said I didn't masturbate, lol.

I'm a forever single. I've never lived with anyone, or been in love. Sometimes I think it might be nice but I am far, far too independent to have someone in my space, telling me what to do. I love not answering to anyone. I love being able to decide on the spur of the moment if I want to go away, or if I want to do something. If I want to cook or clean, or not cook or clean.

I'm not actively looking for a partner just so there's someone to take out the trash and mow the lawn. I'd rather be single than in a relationship of convenience.

- User	gmta_nz
- Date	2008-01-23 03:03 (UTC)
- Subject	(no subject)

as a single, I'm sure no-one would believe me if I said I didn't masturbate

I don't believe anyone who says they don't masturbate, whatever their relationship status ;)

- User _alicesprings - Date 2008-01-23 03:04 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

Lol, true that!

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-22 23:46 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

now married (but not in love)

That is so sad to me :(

- User passing_through - Date 2008-01-24 02:49 (UTC) - Subject (no subject) - Keyword eep_justin

It's sad to me too. But I'm working on it. I've found that change can't always happen quickly when kids are involved unless it's a metter of survival or life and death. (And it's not. It's more learning to be honest about what I want and need and not thinking I don't deserve anything better.)

ITA 100% about the value of good friendships. I've let some of mine go and it was a mistake. I'm also working on fixing that too. I have plans and one day they'll be realized. It's just gonna take time :)

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-23 00:35 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

I'm bored and wanting to break up with myself because I'm sick of doing all the work :p and yes, I am speaking sexually ;)

- User	gmta_nz
- Date	2008-01-22 22:51 (UTC)
- Subject	(no subject)

I'm not single and I tell you what I miss most from the good, old days: I was much thinner! Relationships are very bad for the waistline ;)

- User firehead30 - Date 2008-01-22 23:43 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

hmmmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmmmm *has thoughts of telling you that couplehood is more than cuddling and includes active activities*

Pffft you are beautiful.

- User libra2 - Date 2008-01-23 01:21 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

I'm the opposite, thinner in relationships than not.

- User firehead30 - Date 2008-01-22 23:56 (UTC) - Subject (no subject)

Because honestly, every day- I am acutely aware every time I come home and no one greets me naked at the door with a cocktail, the dishes aren’t done, the floor not vacuumed, house not dusted, kitchen not mopped, bed not made, shower not scrubbed, dirty clothes still dirty, towels not folded, mail still in mailbox, bills in need of payment, checkbook unbalanced, trash in need of taking out, house cluttered, I’m out of coffee, creamer, sugar, ( those are the worst days for me) the grass growing, fence in need of weed-eating, yard in need of landscaping, plants needing water, refrigerator empty, litter box in need of emptying, or I'm out of catfood... I'm aware that I'm the only person living here.

I have had the perfect house. I have had the messy house. I know what it it is like to come home from work and feel I have another job waiting for me as far as housework and child rearing is concerned. There have been times when I have cried my eyes out in the bathtub and wondered why the hell I couldn't have love. But truth be told I cried in the bathtub wondering why I couldn't have love when my house was perfect and I had very few material wants. I was unhappy with me and projecting my desire to have "love" as a way of covering up how empty I was trying to be something I wasn't.

Fuck the weeds and the dirty clothes. Do the dishes and call it good and give yourself a break. Do what you can do rather than obsessing about what you can't do.